(or, like, managing myself effectively in life, I guess?)
The Result: STRESS, GUILT, FRUSTRATION at the tasks, a sense of INCOMPETENCE AND FEAR in the face of new problems, challenges and life itself, a sense of FAILURE AND SHAME over the life it results in, and HOPELESSNESS AND DESPAIR because I see no way it can change when I can't even do anything.
The fatal flaw is rigidity and overcontrolling expectations. I cannot account or plan for every little detail or get everything right or figure out the perfect plan (Te grip). It's not a realistic way to live life, and it's certainly not the way for me. Even if I had this perfect plan, I would not be satisfied and it would never be executed. The way for me is: creative exploration and small adjustments (Ne).
I don't have to be certain or have a grand plan to do things... I can just do them...
Small adjustments: Doing things a little differently can lead to different outcomes. Just a little shift in the right direction is very useful. I can try one thing once, then if it works, I can do it again (or not if I forget). From this experience I can learn and navigate a little differently. THIS is what will lead to change.
Faith in change: Everything changes all the time, and things turn out differently than you expect. I know that small events can have compound effects that lead to bigger changes. (If I hadn't sat down in that spot in that time, we would never have met, I would have never been included at that party, I would have never met the other people, I wouldn't have thay study group and I might not have that confidence or safety and I might not do that interview and realize my own position.)
Embracing discomfort and failure: Even uncomfortable situations and things that don't work out as wanted are valuable teachers and areas for growth, change of direction, or something unexpected might arise out of it.
By actually showing myself that I can do stuff little by little, day by day, I will start to trust myself when I dedicate myself to something; I will believe in my ability to change things. I'll take more responsibility for my own life and it will be more directed.
Foreverizing: "If I do this thing today, I have to turn it into a routine and that's too much and not what I want to do with my life" - or I can just do it today, take it day by day
DA GOALZ
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DA PROBLEMZ
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BUT REMEMBER: A small, even the tiniest, change in perspective, thought, patterns, habits, action, speech, manner could change a lot or everything. Things aren't doomed just because I notice a pattern or tendency or whatever. Also, I can't just "figure it out" by hyperanalyzing and planning it out (because I suck at that), but by actually executing small changes in real time, seeing what happens, then using that experience forward. My "road to freedom" is TRYING SMALL THINGS. Let go of rigidity, need for security and control and being fixed to a desired outcome. Go a long with the journey a little. Dare to take some steps and see what happens. A little does a lot. There's no one method or system to everything. There's no "one" answer out there. Make moves, make waves, see what moves, what flows. |