Sing it with me to the tune of Britney Spears' Baby One More Time: My indecisiveness is killing me.
I'm an avid stalker of the Neocities activity feed and I look at other websites in awe, maybe to find the one that makes me go "this is what I want my site to be". So many pages full of psass and spunk with their own aesthetic and brand. So much creativity on display. It's gorgeous and inspiring.
I want that, too! I want to create a my own little nice, cozy corner on the web. It's something I've dreamt of (and attempted to) since I was very young, but it never comes to fruition. There are so many options! Do I want something random and unpredictable or clean and streamlined? Old web aesthetic or something completely different? Dark or light colors? And what the hell do you put on a website, anyways? So many things I could and want to do, but none of them really pull at me.
This whole website problem is a metaphor for my life. I can't decide on shit, because I don't know what I want. The desire to create things is strong within me, but I have nothing to show for it. I'm always just so indecisive and change my mind constantly. I get an idea and dabble with it for a while, until my interest fizzles out and I'm like "nah" and I drop it. Then I get a new one, and repeat. I can never really commit to anything.
Why, though? Is it because I look at everything that could go wrong? I don't know. I don't really understand it. To be continued...