Fi: provides a compass of what matters, Ne: explores possibilities of what could be, Si: grounds me in what has worked and what sustains me, Te executes what seems to be most effective.
Oriented to: feelings, individuality, authenticity, integrity, evaluation, values
Important notes: Values are more important than feelings. They inform each other, but values are higher level. I can feel irritated or angry with someone, but because I value them, having a good relationship with them and respect them and want to be a kind and understanding person for them, the feeling matters less.
Oriented to: ideas, possibilities, alternatives, expansion, progress, open-endedness, options, inventing
The message: Look at what could be, all this potential and alternatives
The traps:
How I can use it:
Balancing with Fi: Always ask: is this important to me?
Oriented to: familiarity, routine, stability, coherence, consistency
The message: Look at what has been. This is what happened, this is how it was.
The shadow side: Reminds me how things have gone wrong, what I can't do because I've failed before, how things never worked out, how I have hundreds of other memories similar to the bad thing that just happened and that must mean I'm doomed. "Nothing will ever change."
Oriented to: execution, efficiency, productivity,
The Shadow Side – Desparetly clinging to control in absence of hope and faith: When Fi feels out of touch with itself or out of alignment in life or receives a "shock" to its system, Si orients towards memories of similar disappointment, failure, despair and there seems no potential for change because there is no belief in Ne's potential, Te steps in to solve things efficiently in a desperate and ineffective manner: overanalyzing, compulsive planning, problem solving, ideas of massive personal and life changes. "If I just get the plan right, life can finally be what I want (Fi) and wish (Ne)." But it's not very effective the analyzing and planning projects in themselves become a huge source of distress, because it's impossible to understand and control everything and then I just want to get away from the planning and go back to normal. But then I still don't know what to do with this mess of a life (Si), so the future feels empty and hopeless and there's still problems to deal with (Si-Ne) so Te keeps gnawing at me in the background, never leaving me alone. In this restless, stressed and irritable state, I become insanely irritable, snappy and aggressive at others. Impatient, restless, frustrated with disturbances, impatient with inefficiency or misunderstandings, furious at wants, requests or demands from others, completely unable to make choices. But let's face it, such rigid plans are not realistic for me. No amount of planning can protect me from obstacles and difficulty.
The Teachings of Te: You cannot just live on internal wants and ideals of what the world and people should be (Fi); shield yourself from everything that makes you feel bad or is difficult (Fi); and dreaming up fantasies of potential and what could be if only... (Ne). Such a life is an unhappy life. Success (which is not just about money or status), requires execution and discipline. And maybe nuancing your ideals if reality never matches up (Fi), letting go of some dreams if they are completely unrealistic (Ne), sacrificing some possibilities (Ne) because you choose the most important ones (Fi).
Feeling - Introverted [Fi]
It's hard for me to explain this function because to me, it's one that needs no explanation. It is just my day to day, who I am, and its perspective is just "how the world is". It is something like the "inner authenticity and humanity of every person" and how that is the only important thing. Might not make sense, but it does to me. It is about authenticity, because it is of the utmost importance that every person is free to be their human, authentic selves. Isn't that ultimately our deepest and innermost desire, anyways? To meet that special someone who loves us unconditionally for who we really are, stripped of our masks and acts, with warts and all? It is sad to me that we live in a society that values image, presentation, conformity status above individuality and humanity. I think it is insaely destructive to humans, both individually, relationally and collectively. I want to accept every part of myself, even the ones that aren't the best, and I want everybody else to do the same with themselves. Some may see me as weird for standing out, but I see them as weak willed and dead inside for conforming. I love those little moments where you just see someone come alive because they drop the mask and reveal a tiny bit of their true selves. They feel so resonant, so alive, so beautiful. The first message of Fi is basically "everyone should be free to be their true, authentic selves", and the second message is a very important caveat to the first: unless it infringes on the freedom of others to do the same. This is not my greatest sentence, but it will have to do.
Because humans have an intrinsic spirit or worth that is... above all else. It certainly should be untouchable and held with the utmost regard and respect. But... it's not? When I was little, I kind of expected that everyone felt the same, I think? Like, guys, we all agree that fairness, justice, goodness, rightness, human worth and such things are the most important things in life, right? I used to be quick to judge people as "bad" or "evil" for anything I considered a moral transgression. My view has become nuanced, but it's hard for me to understand that people don't value this above all else and well... when people infringe on this, I'm quick to judge it as something wrong, or that they've lost themselves, or that it's a defense mechanism, or whatever. Like... there must exist true goodness and conscience within us all, right? We all have a conscience which tells us right from wrong and should guide us above all else, right? It's my basic framework for people. So, yeah, I'm quick to react to selfishness, wrongdoing, injustice, hipocricy, callousness, etc. I can't fucking stand when a person treats another human as disposable or puts themselves above others. It's fucking disgusting. I don't judge you on the way you dress, your job, your popularity, or whatever. If you have morals and integrity, you have my utmost respect.
However, this is where Fi gets complex. Because I, too, have acted in ways that have hurt and harmed others. I too have crossed the boundaries of my own conscience and done the wrong thing even when I knew what the right one is. I have acted impulsively, I have anger issues, I've been vengeful, I've wished others harm, I've acted selfishly in ways that ended up hurting others, I've felt hatred, I've abused my strength and power, I've acted against my conscience. What does that say about me? Am I a bad person? Nope, just human. I'm usually quick to understand and forgive myself because well, I know my intentions and I know where my heart is, and I'm allowed to make mistakes. We all are. Because, well, if you want to honor individuality and authenticity, you also have to honor the parts of humans that are weak, egotistical, selfish, afraid, and so on. Even the ones that cause damage and harm to others. And that's where Fi gets complex. It's never as simple as right is good and wrong is bad. But all of this is a constant dillemma in my life. On one hand, I can't stand views and values and actions that infringe on basic human value and I'll oppose them harshly. I'll stand up to injustice and mistreatment even if it kills me. On the other hand, the people who hold those views and values and perform those actions are also just human. And, well, just marking them as bad or evil and shunning them for their wrongs is not respectful to their basic human value? So on one hand, I have this judging moralizing punisher who just wants people to be good. On the other hand, I have to try and understand other people and give them the benefit of the doubt. I have to believe that they have acted to the best of their ability and tried to be good. Or at least, if they truly do not care about the consequences of their actions on others, that they have lost a part of themselves somewhere because someone infringed evil upon them at one point, or that they have become blind to something.
So what does that make me? From what I've written I might seem like a self-righteous prick and well, at my core I might feel like I know right from wrong better than others. Mr. Morals? Mr. Righteous Goody Two Shoes? Morally perfect? Judge and executioner? Better than others? Holier than thou? No, it's not really an "ego" thing in the sense that I want to put myself above others. it's not how I carry myself in my day to day life. It's never about being "better" than anyone, it's just that it matters to be a good person, damnit. I hate performative morality and sanctimoniousness. Fortunately, the side of me that values authenticity and human dignity is the one I usually lead with. People usually say that they find me very accepting and understanding, that they feel free to be true and honest with me and that I don't judge. And I pride myself on that. I think that would be my ideal of myself as a friend and partner: a space for people to feel free, understood, respected, accepted, loved and honored for who they truly are, while I cautiously nudge them to listen to their conscience and goodness and to lead with their best sides. And well, sometimes I give people too much space because I have this acceptance and belief in their inner goodness. I can be quite timid in standing up for myself because, well, I'm not Mr. strong, authorative and bossy and I'm quite sensitive and emotional. I have had several relations where I'm not treated that well over time, and well, after some time I'll just cut them off. At the end, if you abuse my kindness and acceptance and sensitivity for too long, you won't have access to it any more. And if you hurt someone I love, I can unleash a fiery fury that terrifies even me. I'm better at standing up for others than I am for myself, but people who are close to me have felt my righteousness in full force.
And that's where Fi gives me some kind of righteousness or moral superiority, I guess. It can be hard for me to understand that other people can have different perspectives on right or wrong, good or bad. I have gotten some feedback that I can be too black or white about this, and yeah I probably am. There have been instances where people have tried to justify their actions, defend their stance, explain their thinking or whatever, and though I try to understand them and be open to their perspectives, their explanations often seem like avoidance or denial of guilt, blatant excuses, weak justifications, attempts to avoid responsibility or consequences or at worst, a lack of integrity or morals. Sometimes I can go too hard in making sure that people understand what they've done wrong. But if you infringe on human value in a way that really strikes me as wrong, you'll hear it and I'll make sure you face your conscience even if it means breaking you down to tears. I've done this to friends and boyfriends, and I believe they're better off for it. To some, this might make me seem like a psychopath. No, it's not "nice" to make someone cry. But being nice is different than being good and doing the right thing, and the latter is way more important. People might feel like I want to paint them as bad people, but that's not my intention. I just want them to understand what they've done wrong and then make up for it, because that's what will help them to be a good person and do the right thing. I won't listen to endless justifications of shitty behavior. If you can't even admit when you've done wrong, how could you try to do better?
And then, there's also an aspect of Fi that is about the... well... feelings. My feelings guide me and they're very hard to ignore. To me, they're on one level the inner compass that guides me towards my true and authentic self, and I accept and honor each and every one of them. That's the cognitive "attitude" aspect. But there's also a physical and emotional level which I suppose is connected: my emotions are often very intense and hard to ignore, and it's hard to override them and control my behaviors. The emotion that pops up takes presedence over whatever else goes on and sometimes they're so overwhelming that I can't even function the way I want to. I need time to figure them out and work with them and understand them before I can just go back to "normal". Obviously, this doesn't make me the most successful person. I can be quite lazy and prone to procrastination, because if I don't feel like doing something I won't. And well, what I feel like in one moment could change the next, so comitting to goals out there in the external world is... something I've never done, I think. I mean I try to, but it never manifests in something. I just do what I feel like (just an observation, I have no good justification for it) and can't bring myself to do what I don't feel like. So yeah, I have to admit. I do fail at most things. I don't hate myself for it or anything, but it's a difficult thing to live with. And well, sometimes I can do the emotional reasoning thing: if I felt hurt, you meant to hurt me, if I feel angry, you've done something wrong, If I love you, you must be good for me, and so on and so on... This leads to problems, because it's rarely that simple. Another fun thing I've kind of noticed is that I tend to describe my feelings with more nuance than others. My friend once remarked this when she said "oh, so you felt nauseous", and I started on a long explanation of my subjective experience of being nauseous and she was like "yeah, that's what nauseous feels like."
Intuition - Extroverted [Ne]
The crave for change and novelty is strong in me; new experiences make me come alive. I have a shitload of new ideas and urges all the time; creativity is high in me. However it is often used in a kind of "introverted" fashion (as just ideas, fantasies, daydreams, desires, "what ifs") because I have a lot of trouble with executing actions (lower Te). I struggle to commit to anything fully, like: plans, living places, jobs. It's not necessarily that I'm waiting for something "better", I just don't like being stuck. I like the future to be open and full of possibility and wonder; being bogged down by contracts, obligations, the constraints of time and money makes me claustrophobic. I enjoy variation and change, the thought of every day being the same depresses the hell out of me. My biggest fear is being stuck in a 9-5 in a permanently bought house, it sounds like death. Well, it is death. I've been in jobs where you... just get a list of tasks and then you do them and you go home. I made a good amount of money which bought me more freedom outside too, but sticking with that job really burned me out. I got so insanely bored. I felt super stressed and overwhelmed by the tasks, just because of their routine nature. There was no room for spontenaity or creativity or changing things up. The frames were too rigid. I felt so insanely dead inside. Collegues called the job "chill", I called it "insanely boring". And a Fi aspect too, I suppose: Outsiders said "it must be so fulfilling" (since it involved helping people). To me, it felt like death. Like I had bought into something just for the paycheck. There was no room for self-expression. I was just a robot doing whatever was plotted into the instructions. Horrible. So yeah, you need to feel passionate about things.
Sensing - Introverted [Si]
Thinking - Extroverted [Te]
Ah, my weakness. I hate tasks. I hate demands. I hate responsibilities. I hate competition. Really, I just suck at "doing things". One aspect is the insecurity around it: like I'm unfocused, absent minded, bad at following instructions; physically I'm clumsy and it's just hard for me to "get" the way things work sometimes. I have so many experiences of fucking things up that I have severe performance anxiety around others. And then it's the aspect of willpower and discipline. As I mentioned in the Fi section: if I don't feel like it, I most likely won't. It's very hard for me to motivate myself to do anything, and it's very hard to prevent myself from doing something I want to do. And thus, tasks and deadlines loom over me like a constant stress and worry while I try my best to ignore it. It's living hell. I'd rather just be free and follow my whims. And then, it's also about deciding what to do. Like, what is truly worth investing my time in? It must be something that's resonant with me, that feels authentic. I've done jobs which were just for the paycheck, and it kills your soul. I am an A-student despite not studying very hard so I'm academically gifted and I have a lot of "potential" as my friends say. But potential and success don't matter enough to me: I need to feel aligned, fulfilled. And then it's deciding and locking in on something. I have so many ideas and whims and fancies and wishes which are ever-changing, and then there's new ones on top of that, so how the hell do you decide? If I want something one day, I might want something else the next. And well, if I decide that I truly want something, the road from start to finish can seem so damn daunting that I give up before I've even tried. Turning my ideas into an executable and coherent thing feels... impossible?
So this is a big weakness of mine. I'm anxious about performing and being evaluated or judged, I'm ashamed of my incompetence and my objective failure in society. It's not that I hate myself for it, no no no. I understand myself and I have compassion, but it's a struggle.
People who prioritize success just for the money and recognition, without any personal connection to their work, baffle me. I think society as a whole is too concerned with outward appearances and markers of success and the demands of society (which is kind of a rote and redundant thing to say), than they are with their humanity and individuality. People who are overly concerned with success, status and fitting in are, to me, disconnected from themselves and dead inside at worst, insecure and weak at best, giving up the most imporant parts of themselves just for conformity and validation.
People who lead with Te are the ones I've clashed the most with. Their obsession with efficiency and success makes them trample over everything. They are generally impatient, rude, angry, dismissive and don't care how they treat people on the path toward their goals. They are far too comfortable with sidestepping their compassion and humanity for my tastes. They're willing to lie, deceive and manipulate, just as long as they get what they want. When they bump into relational troubles, it's just another "obstacle" in their way and they'll continue to argue and domineer in order to get their way (which is the only way). Who has time to consider feelings and right or wrong when there's so many things to do, right? They cannot truly understand their effect on others, or they are far too proud to admit it, and their arrogance prevents them from ever seeing their own role in things and making things right. At the same time, I do admire their determination and willpower. I have been fairly close to two Te-doms and I know that they feel deeply as well, and that they have insecurities and considerations. They absolutely do feel compassion, guilt, insecurity, etc., but since they only think of these feelings as "weakness" and an obstacle to their mission they overlook it in their daily life. Only when the consequences of their actions have blown up in their face and are beyond repair, do they get in touch with these feelings. By then, the feelings are extreme: they struggle with immense guilt, shame and insecurity, seeing themselves as a bad, evil person and privately drown in their feelings. And so they desperately try even harder to keep on keeping on with their strong, confident, effective selves instead of actually integrating the lessons.