I often think that life is just unbearably painful and difficult and it baffles me how people are not completely fucking hopeless. I don't understand how others are so content. Happy, even, to just hunker down and do the stuff.

I find it horribly soul crushing how the trajectory for adulthood goes something like: work your ass off, pay mortgage, get married, live together, raise kids.

In fact, I'm amazed about the stuff that people get so enthusiastic about. Owning a house. Getting an education. Buying a car. I get it in a "yay that's practical", but these things are actually personally important to people; they are proud of them and identify with them. I do not understand.

I despise being an adult. It's fucking horrible.

I hate how I'm not certain or confident enough to make my own trajectory.

I am disgusted by my own aging. I hate the sickly colors and fine lines that appear in my face on days without enough sleep.

On the subject of sleep, I'm so fucking tired of just not being able to sleep in a healthy way. Falling asleep is a challenge. If I manage that, staying asleep is a challenge.

I hate getting advice from people who have it easy. "You just have to..." Yeah, easy for you to say, Sharon. You arrogant, narrow minded, condescending cunt. The biggest worry of your little life was that you might not get married to the man of your dreams by 25. If you could look beyond the tip of your own nose you'd see that not everyone has it as easy as you.

I have no clue what I want and it feels so fucking empty.